Do I know what I need to do to feel better in my own skin? I do.
But am I motivated enough to do it? No, not really. Here's why:
Weight and body image is something that I've struggled with the last 15 years. I remember the first time I made myself throw up. I remember the diet pills. I remember keeping myself too busy to eat. I remember my clothes hanging on me. But most of all, I remember how emotionally hurt I was during that time. High school...if there is one thing I would change it would be NOT going through that 2-year phase of damaging myself, hurting relationships, and creating an unhealthy outlook for myself.
I write about my eating disorder and body image disorder at least once a year. I do it to purge that hurt that likes to rear its ugly face to mess with me. I write because every time I put some actual thought into it, it becomes easier to let it go.
This time around I don't want to focus on the disorder itself, but what I can do to be #intentional in making better choices. I am a visual, check-list kind of gal. Yet, I don't enforce that part of me into this area of my life. Why is that? Well frankly, it scares me on two extremes; failing or taking it too far. Why can't my mind process the happy medium? Baby steps...
So as I said this time around I am being #intentional with this area of my life. What does that look like for me?
- I have started a workout program with a couple of girlfriends, the Bikini Body Mommy 90-day Challenge. I attempted this a few times, but never had the accountability and of course excuses up the wazoo! This time I am going to be #intentional with my workouts and actually do them. Please...help me stay accountable.
- Tomorrow I will start a food journal. When I was going through my initial recovery of my disorder, S had me keep a food journal and write down my emotions describing what I ate and why I ate it and of course, included the calories. I kept it up for awhile after that, but just stopped. The benefit for me this time around is that I will actually NEED TO EAT. I have the tendency to skip meals, which isn't good and doesn't help in weight loss at all, but has the reverse effect. Go figure! My goal is to complete at least 5 days of food journaling to help alleviate the pressure of needing to do it. Sounds simple enough...
- And my final mini-goal is to not get to hard on myself when things don't go as planned. I need to allow myself to make mistakes, but I also need to get back on the horse and not give up.
Thanks for helping me be #intentional.