In the Beginning...1983
Naomi met the sperm donor, Larry, through some friends. He was 21...she was 16...and I was a summer fling. It took 6 months before my grandmother noticed that she wasn't buying as many feminine products for her daughters. So enter 3 months of prenatal care. Go mom!
Larry and my mother stuck it out for about a year before they split ways. I don't know the full story, but from what I was told, she wanted a strong man and he just didn't fit the bill, so she kicked him to the curb. Besides the year that he was around, I've never met the man. I know who he is and where he lives and his contact info. I've "reached" out to him once, but I didn't leave any contact information in order for him to find me. I don't know if I'm ready for that. However, as my kids get older, I get this gut feeling that they should at least know where they came from.
Coming from a military family, she ended up joining the Army, while Michael was in the Navy. My grandparents didn't allow them to take me, so they left me behind. Even though I don't recollect everything that happened during this time, I know that is why I struggle with abandonment issues. I get attached pretty quickly and when someone leaves, it's heart wrenching.
A few days later, our doorbell rang and I answered it. There, standing at our door, was a man in uniform. I yelled for my grandmother. When she came to the door, she told me to go to my room, but I didn't want to leave. My aunt was home and took me to my room. As we were shutting my door, we heard the gut wrenching cry from my grandmother and the sound of something hit the dining room table. My aunt and I started crying because we knew. My mother had died. She died on June 20, 1992. She was 26 years, 1 month and 3 days old. She suffered from PTSD and depression.
My mother was buried at Fort Rosecrans National Cemetery in San Diego, CA. Every time we visit California, I go and see her. Last year she got to meet our oldest daughters and my friend Natalie surprised me with a visit there. She drops off flowers for me occasionally and sends me photos. Sometimes it's hard to believe that she has been gone for almost 24 years now.
I'm emotionally spent right now. Whenever I talk or write about Naomi, I break. A lot of these things are very similar to what our girls have been through and it strikes a chord with me. Plus, when you apply a drop of Release essential oil on yourself and begin to write...Oh Lord, help us all. #allthefeelings. I'll be back next week with more tidbits about myself.