I invited M to go to church with me around the July/August time frame. We had been dating for about 3-4 months. I had no idea how he was going to take it. We didn't discuss our beliefs. I just kind of assumed. He agreed to go and wouldn't you know, the pastor used him as a demonstration that day! We chatted after the service on our way home. He agreed to go back. Little did I know that the seed had been planted. We kept going back. We kept getting fed. We developed relationships. We grew together.
But then what? Life happened. Things that we wanted to control slipped out of our hands. How did we react? When the storm cloud circled over our heads, where or who did we run to? Where is our refuge when our foundations crumble? These are questions that I should ask myself on a daily basis.
In all honesty, my refuge is usually myself and then my husband. I don't reach out to friends too often. I have a tendency to do things on my own (who doesn't) and not be a burden or worry other people. However, I do know that if it were something horrible, my "2 AM friend" Bobbie Jo would be on the other end of the line and on a plane if I needed her. That's just who she is. We don't talk as much as we used to since the moves, but when we do, we just pick up right where we left off. Everyone needs to have a Bobbie Jo in their life. (And by the way, she just became a certified life coach! Congrats Friend!) Everyone needs to develop those kinds of relationships.
But there's also another relationship we should develop and that's one with God. When that cloud is looming over our heads, we need to step back and think, "Where do I need to trust?" We need to remember His presence in that moment and His actions and His presence in the past. M is a lot better at this than me. I've been so blessed to have him as the leader of our home. His words of encouragement to seek out and to pray have been valued in my heart. I have seen his growth in the area of trust since that first day he stepped into church with me. I have seen him put his trust into practice.
So how many times do I worry about the SAME thing due to my lack of trust? --Lord, we need a job. Lord, we need extra money this month. Lord, help me to be more loving with my children. Lord, I can't do this alone.-- The answer is...a lot. These pleas aren't my go-to. These pleas come when I've got nowhere else to go. How crappy is that? I need to find my place in HIS refuge. It doesn't mean that I do nothing. I need to search, trust, and go towards God and not have Him be my last resort. I lose sight of who He is when I rely on MYSELF rather than on HIM. And even though I give Him my crappiness, He brings me gently to my knees and helps me find refuge in Him. With all that He has done, I'm pretty sure He can handle my issues.
I'm not saying it's easy by any means. Again, life happens. But where and who you choose to run to when things start to fall apart will make all the difference. When those foundations crumble, know that God is purifying your life for something better. He wants to be your refuge. Let Him.